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It’s a pity no one teaches us this.
Psychologist Joan Devila of Stony Brook University in New York City and her colleagues study romantic competence. This is the ability to act effectively at all stages of a relationship: understanding your needs, and choosing the right partner. You can see it here to find a good friend or life partner. Also important to build a strong connection, and end unhealthy interactions. After analyzing the research, Devila identified three key skills of romantic competence.
1. Analysis.
Analyzing a situation allows us to recognize what is happening to us and to learn some lessons for ourselves. It helps us better understand ourselves, our needs and desires, and the reasons for our actions.
Let’s say that recently you are constantly irritated with your partner. If you analyze the situation, you will be able to see that it’s not in his behavior, you just have serious stress at work. So, now you need not quarrel and find a way to relax so that the work stress does not flow into his personal life.
Develop this skill to anticipate the positive and negative consequences of their actions, understand your partner, and adequately respond to his actions. For example, you have arranged a meeting, and he is late. Before you take it as a personal insult, think about the reasons. Maybe this person constantly can not calculate the time or is delayed at work to finish everything before the end. The skill of analysis will protect you from unnecessary worries.
2. Knowing how to talk about needs
You need to remember that you both have needs and they are all important. Learn to talk clearly about your own and listen to other people. Then there will be a better chance that you will both be satisfied. Let’s say you need to meet relatives with whom you have a strained relationship and want your partner to go with you. Don’t wait for your loved one to guess, say directly, “It would be very stressful for me. It would help me if you were around. Can you come with me?”
It’s also a skill that helps you make decisions together. For example, one of you has received a good offer for a promotion but realizes that you will have to work more and spend less time with your family, which is very important to both of you. In that case, it’s important to say: “I would like to accept this offer, but I understand that it will change our life together. We will spend less time together. If I promise to devote some of my time to you regularly, will you support my choice?”
Remember, when you appreciate each other’s needs and don’t hesitate to talk about them, there is less quarreling and misunderstanding.
3. Regulating Emotions
This skill helps you stay calm in stressful situations and make a sober assessment of the situation. For instance, you are waiting for your partner to respond to your message. Time passes and he is silent. You begin to get nervous, and angry, every minute you check your phone. But if you’ve learned to regulate your emotions, you tell yourself, “Calm down, you’ll get an answer. There’s no point in looking at your phone every five seconds. I’ll put it aside and do other things.”
Being able to deal with emotions, in general, is useful in any relationship. It helps you get through unpleasant feelings while maintaining self-respect.
Romantic competence seems like hard work, but the benefits are enormous. According to Davila, more romantically competent men and women feel more confident in relationships. They make better choices, know how to support their partner, and are more willing to ask for what they need. And if you are not in love yet, but would like to find your love, the christian dating app free can help you with this.
