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When world Lara St. John first spoke publicly about abuse in the classical music world, she never imagined it would lead to a feature-length documentary. But that decision set off a chain of events that resulted in Dear Lara, a film that brings together survivor stories from across institutions and countries, and confronts a culture that has protected power at the expense of people.
VENTS spoke with Lara St. John about making the film, being both its subject and director, the patterns she uncovered, and what she hopes happens next.
From speaking out to making a film
VENTS: So all right, so when you first spoke publicly in 2019, did you imagine it would lead to a movie like this?
Lara St. John: Not in a zillion years, let alone six.
I basically thought I was just gonna get this out there to hopefully help some people and then kind of move along with my life the way it always had been, playing concerts and stuff. And it was mostly, well, I guess entirely just because of the sheer amount of people who reached out after the article, and realizing that these stories need to get out there and change needs to happen, and what better way to do it than through film?
Because an article, it’s up there for a day and people forget so quickly when something is so ephemeral. And so films are around to last. It’s also a great way of being able to put many stories into one thing, I guess, into one element.
I had had some experience in music videos. Okay, I totally realized that making a music video of yourself playing violin is very far removed from a full-length documentary about abuse in the music world. But I thought, well, look, I’ve got a camera and I know how to edit, so why don’t I start talking to these people?
In the beginning, it was just me and one little camera. Eventually, I ended up getting a team together that helped with everything. And yeah, eventually it wasn’t just me and a little camera. Thank God, because I don’t think it would be a very good movie if it had just been me all the way through.
Everybody on my team really is totally behind the film and the message that we want to get out there, which is: this crap has to change.
VENTS: So was it a strange experience being both a subject and the director?
Lara St. John: Yeah, I mean, I guess I’m the director because nobody else is. But to be fair, nothing was scripted except for voiceover. I just sat and talked to these people and let them tell their story, with the occasional little question peppered in.
These are people who reached out to me. They knew my story, and they reached out because they knew it. So it was easier for them to talk to me alone rather than in a studio with lighting guys and sound guys and all that.
I feel like I got some real heartfelt testimonials out of them. There was such genuine integrity, because they knew they were talking to somebody who understood from the inside out.
Victim blaming and backlash
VENTS: Whenever a story like this comes out, some people instantly side with the victim, and others side with the victimizer. What are your thoughts on that?
Lara St. John: There is a really incomprehensible culture of victim blaming, which I obviously abhor.
When my article came out in the Inquirer, something like 97 percent, maybe even more, was positive. People saying thank you, gratitude for coming out, thank you for doing this. And then there were a couple of trolls, probably some old stupid fat dudes in their mom’s basement.
That’s what you can do these days. You can just be an online troll and nobody knows who you are. So I blissfully didn’t have too much of that.
But I’ve seen it so many times. When a victim comes forward, it’s like, what were you wearing? Did you drink a lot? Oh, well, you led him on. I don’t understand that at all. And anybody who does that, I’m really not interested in speaking to any further.
VENTS: A lot of the stories had similar characteristics, even though they came from different countries and institutions. Were there any patterns that surprised you?
Lara St. John: One of my big surprises was the sheer amount of institutional complicity.
I thought Curtis [Curtis Institute of Music] was so horrible to me, and that they were the only horrible school. I thought all these other schools probably really help their students and are super nice. That turned out to absolutely not be the case whatsoever.
Pretty much without exception, every school tried as much as possible to protect the predator and shove the victim away and brush everything under the carpet. Their reputation, and the reputation of these famous men they give godlike status to, is way more important to them than the humanity of a child or a woman or a student.
That was horrifying to find out. I really thought it was just Curtis that was so crappy.
Power, money, and reputation
VENTS: Why do you think these elite arts institutions have been so resistant to accountability?
Lara St. John: Their priorities are ridiculous. That they would rather protect Mr. Famous Horn Player than protect the students he’s abusing.
It happens over and over. Look for the money. The famous horn player brings in students who pay a lot of money. They don’t want to lose that.
Then there’s reputation. Curtis doesn’t need tuition money because it’s full scholarship, but for the world to know they ignored child rape for years, that’s a problem for them. So they shut it down and put it under the carpet.
That’s what has to change. At some point they have to say this is wrong, completely wrong, and do everything possible to make sure it never happens again. I’m hoping this movie brings pressure from the outside, not just from classical music, but from the greater public. The people who buy the tickets. That’s what will affect change.
VENTS: Do you think film can do something music can’t when it comes to conveying this message?
Lara St. John: I’m not a songwriter. Classical music is abstract. You could write a symphony about it, but nobody’s really going to understand what’s meant.
Film is a medium everyone can digest. It’s a place where I can put a lot of stories into one place and have a lot of people see it. That’s all I care about.
Scoring Dear Lara
VENTS: You also composed the original score, correct?
Lara St. John: I scored it, yeah. There’s some Schubert throughout, and some archival recordings of myself, but about 70 percent of the soundtrack was made for the film, and played by me.
VENTS: What themes did you weave into the score?
Lara St. John: There’s the idea of Death and the Maiden that goes throughout. Schubert made his famous string quartet from it. That trope reminded me of what so many of us went through.
A young woman, here comes death, saying, come to me, it won’t hurt. And it reminded me of these old men and young women, that same manipulation. It’s terrifying.
I used a lot of that rhythm throughout. The Dear Lara theme starts on the A and E strings, because that’s what every child starts with. Mississippi Hot Dog. It’s a tribute to the age people were when they began.
I wrote for string quintet. It’s quite bass-heavy. I’m a big bass fan.
Family, allies, and speaking up
VENTS: Your brother appears in the film. What was it like working with him on this?
Lara St. John: Back when all this happened, he was a child himself. He didn’t know what to do. I didn’t feel I could tell anyone.
In recent years, he’s become a very staunch ally. When he was teaching at Colburn and realized they were covering up crimes, he spoke up. When they refused to change, he resigned. He changed his entire life because he believes so strongly that this shouldn’t be happening.
VENTS: What would you want non-musicians to take away from this film?
Lara St. John: We’re a microcosm of the world. If you see something, say something. Don’t just allow this to happen.
Be an ally. Don’t be the person who stands there and does nothing. Even if it’s a misogynist joke, say something. Don’t think, “well, I don’t want to help if it might hurt my pinky finger a little bit.”
Help these people. We need allies. We need people to stand up with us against predators.
Looking ahead
VENTS: Were there any stories that you felt were false?
Lara St. John: I didn’t hear from anyone who I thought was making something up.
Victim blaming is what that question usually turns into, and I absolutely abhor it. When people say things like that, I find it very suspicious.
VENTS: Are you planning to make more films?
Lara St. John: I certainly could. There are so many stories. I could make 20 seasons of this.
But right now, everything is about getting this film out there. I want it to start the conversation and be the little snowball that starts the avalanche.
VENTS: There was also a male survivor in the film.
Lara St. John: Yes. He was a young man in the opera world. The story is the same across gender and centuries. We have to stand up against people who abuse power.
VENTS: Do you think the film will be streaming soon?
Lara St. John: That’s all happening behind the scenes. Nothing can really happen until the world premiere.
