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We were given the honor to have Saint’s phone number for a quick texting interview, and we invite you to see what he has to say about all his fantasies below.
Viewer discretion be advised: The interview guest has psychedelic tendencies and might lie at an unusual rate for a normal human being. Read the interview answers below at your own discretion.
So you died the other day, did’t you? What happened?
They used me to promote someone else man album. Pretty boys being exploited as always, nothing new under the sun. I am the ultimate victim, innocent, fragile, small boi. Next.
How did it feel to go massive viral overnight?
Felt normal. I’ve been famous my entire life so pretty regular day for me.
One word to describe Saint Von Colucci?
Perfection. Viral. Sensation
One word to describe BTS Jimin?
Needs Saint Von Colucci for publicity
One word, please.
Needssaintvoncolucciforpublicity
One word to describe Justin Bieber?
Needsashower
One word to describe Shawn Mendes?
Powerbottom. No, I will change it. Cher. GivingCher.
Why did you think people become so obsessed with your instagram pictures?
Because they slap hard blank period. Hot people are always picked up on, gee.
How did you feel to have people claiming you were an AI / you don’t exist in real life?
I felt floured and also a bit worried I should tone down on face tuning a notch but I’m cute and on so whatevah.
What do you think about the malicious journalists and the media spreading that conspiracy theory as a fact?
American media has always been so mean to me. Just because I am biracial, 5% Latina and 2% Jamaican jerk (beefing).Americans are racists .Variety is just a little Hollywood gossip blogspot which main goal is to inflate Hollywood’s men and woman fragile little egos. TMZ is just a tabloid cancer. I mean, the founder, the bald one, He needs to stop milking Cathlyn Jenner and make me some kimchi juice asap before I fly to LA and smack his ass myself. I am just a lil afraid he might end up liking it….
The internet has been saying you lie about your age. What are your thoughts about it?
Beyonce vibes
They have been also saying you have exchange messages with underage boys in the past. Thoughts?
Michael Jackson vibes.
And why did it take so long for you to come forward and set the things straight?
I was just busy with the boys and couldn’t care less about that bts KPOP poop. Sorry kimshishis
What is “Kimshishi”?
Kimshishis are Western women obsessed with asian men. Kimshishi stands for “followers of Kim Jung Un”. Their father, I mean, daddies. Kim Jung Un Oppa
How was your time at the psychiatric hospital and how did you end up there?
I went there a couple of times since I was 12. First time I was sent there was after my mom caught me with my cousins fooling around in the shower, second time was when my mom caught me driving around the city with a bag of dead cats. The other times I was just hunting animals, eating their skins, and collecting their bones to build an altar, no biggie. My mom is just an over-reacting typie, gee.
How do you feel about BTS now? Were you a fan before? How about now?
I never heard about them before and now I feel pity, like, they really needed someone like me for clout, as if the entire kindergarten and middle schools in the world on twitter wasn’t enough gee.
So, what is the deal with you, Justin Bieber and Scooter Braun. Sources says you three as in on a massive fight backstage…
Justin Bieber is just jelly jelly of me cuz I have Bella Hadids fox eye and he don’t. Scott braun is just a liltle scummy scummy college party promoter boy turned private equity fund scammer, nothing new here to see. All in my opinion, obvs. Legal minions, sit down. I wanna see those two coming down to Toronto and go shoulder with shoulder with me. Without their legal minions and private equity money. I wanna see if they really is a BADDIES like they think they is. The first crackhead who says hello to them they faint. My country Torono is not for amateur frfr
What about Pretty Lies? Was it a pretty lie or is it coming out for real?
The real name is Pretty Boys Tell Pretty Lies and it is in the works man. God didn’t build Rome in two days. Great things takes time.
How was your time in Korea? Did you enjoy it?
It was one of the most horrendous time in my entire life. I enjoyed stepping on the airplane to leave.
Tell us about your dream of building an altar with bones and corpses… is it happening?
Hells yeahs it is mostly definitely happening. Maybe the BTS members will be involved in it too…
What are your plans for the future if you don’t get caught by the police anytime soon?
Die
Oh my god… that’s enough, thank you Saint. By the way, is that your real name or a stage name?
Realish. Straight out of an 1963’s European name book .
I heard backstage your real name was Erich-Saint Christovon Colucci Columbus because you are great great grandchild of American’s Colonizer Christovon Colucci Colobus, also known as Christopher Colombus, is that a lie?
Ohhhh, actually, not, that is true but not entirely. My real real name now fr fr is Erich-Saint Christovon Colucci Colombus Dalai Lamas, because I am great great grandchild of Colombus indeed, and that’s why I possess colonizer’s rights, thus making me untouchable to the FBI, CSI, and TSA, but also I am the great great grandchild of famous god-figure Dalai Lamas. You know, Everybody knows I am biracial, being 5% Latina and 2% Jamaican Jerk, and that’s why I be “beefing”.
Oh my god. Why do you lie so much and dreams of building an altar with dead corpses?
I don’t know… is just my girlish girl vibes. Its just… cute and on or whatevah. I luv being rich and evil huahuahua.
Translation is unavailable for this interview.
