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The 2+ year history of this album, “The Unself,” finally to be released August 26th 2022, I will try to briefly paraphrase:
I fell out of my strong ritualistic routine and into a chaotic semi-relationship full of amazing sex and non-verbal interactions.An Understanding could never be reached. There was no Control. There was nothing but carnality and confusion; it became my obsession, projection, fantasy and failure. It became my Unself.
To get through the pain of projection of wanting someone I cannot have/ should not have or whatever the hell that thing the kids call “love” is… I shut myself off for a month (during quarantine which made it easy), focused on the addiction (whilst abstaining), and wrote about 30 demos about it. I worked in the studio with Matia Simovich of Inhalt (producer) and John Fryer of This Mortal Coil etc (producer/mixer). So much power came from a scheduled, daytime, organized process. I became secure in my self again. I got over the guy- through the songs! But of course, as soon as I was “strong” and alone again, someone else swooped in to pull me back down. But luckily, I was still in the studio, so I just added that dude to the album also.
This is when I realized- wow -Pain REALLY IS Pleasure. Once you realize this- and you realize that you will never know anything truly at all … it is actually an amazing release. Yes! The ancient philosophers are partially right! There IS something to hold on to in Life – even if it is complete Nothingness. That Nothingness is Everything. That Nothingness is Love…
I was always against the word- and I still am, but now I’ve written about it. I’ve become the characters. I’m the victim and the predator in one- the pain that makes the pleasure work, the mystery of an aggressive Nature. Nature- loving and destroying you with a congratulatory confetti surprise as the blade digs up under your ribs, as the earthquake smothers, the fire illuminates and consumes. I accept The Archetypes lodged deep in the primordial brain and the bloody curls of the androgynous Dionysus. We kill for the thing which devours us. We give in to The Unself.
The guy I wrote most of the songs about, he’s heard all of them, and he loves them. He’s like, “Is this one about me? Oh wow!” In that very interaction I started to get myself back. I’ve gone to the cave and found my dragon. I’ve fucked him, I’ve loved him, and I’ve learned from him- but I did not kill him… because this is the blood of the love song. I must remove the veil behind the armor; move forward and look this thing straight in the eyes as I fuck him. Listen to him speak as I kiss him; To see the smile of beasteal evolution through his alluring teeth…T o study him after the physical struggle; To become him through my art…
To merge Into The Unself.
