For whatever reason, I decided to take a trip down memory lane with the MTV Video Music Awards. There’s not as much going on as usual in the present, and I like old pop culture quite a bit anyway. I don’t write about music as much as I like, so I was looking for an excuse to do that. What I have decided to do is go through all the winners of the award for Best New Artist in VMA history. Then, I will give a brief assessment of each choice. Did the voters nail it? Or has the choice not stood the test of time. Also, it should be noted I haven’t listened to pop music or heard most of the hit artists in the last 15 years or so. Needless to say, I’m the perfect person to do this.
1984 – The Eurythmics: They beat Madonna. Big mistake.
1985 – ‘Til Tuesday: I like Aimee Mann, so I will accept this.
1986 – A-ha: One-hit wonders that won because they had a cool music video.
1987 – Crowded House: Beat out terrible competition like Timbuk3, so it’s fine with me.
1988 – Guns N’ Roses: Became one of the biggest rock bands in the world. Nailed it, even if I’m not a fan.
1989 – Living Colour: Had one popular song, beat Paula Abdul. Vernon Reid never judged on American Idol.
1990 – Michael Penn: Married to Aimee Mann, who I like, so I will accept this. Also, this was a bad year of nominees
1991 – Jesus Jones: LOL
1992 – Nirvana: Changed music, spawned Foo Fighters, helped popularize Daniel Johnston. Good call.
1993 – Stone Temple Pilots: I think they are bad, but they were popular for a little while at least. That’s probably good enough.
1994 – Counting Crows: Had a couple of hit songs. It’s fun to make fun of “Mr. Jones.” However, they beat Beck, Bjork, and Green Day. Bad call.
1995 – Hootie & the Blowfish: Make fun of them if you want, but Cracked Rear View was a hugely popular album.
1996 – Alanis Morissette: Jagged Little Pill is a banger, but also it was basically the end of her popularity. She was the best new artist, but the foresight of that designation was kind of wrong.
1997 – Fiona Apple: Fetch the bolt cutters!
1998 – Natalie Imbruglia: Had one hit with a cover song. Really poor decision.
1999 – Eminem: Not a fan, but he became the bigger rapper in the world. He still is one of the biggest rappers in the world. Smart choice.
2000 – Macy Gray: Her career kind of went off the rails, and she beat Christina Aguilera, who should have won.
2001 – Alicia Keys: Yeah sure why not?
2002 – Avril Lavigne: I kind of feel like she had a successful career, right? So I guess this was a good choice?
2003 – 50 Cent: Well, he’s famous and he got rich without dying. Didn’t he make a video game starring himself? That’s funny.
2004 – Maroon 5: They suck, but they are super popular, so I can’t argue too much.
2005 – The Killers: Had some hits. “Mr. Brightside” is incredibly catchy. I’m down with this choice.
2006 – Avenged Sevenfold: Has not stood the test of time.
2007 – Gym Class Heroes: Haha, remember when they were a thing?
2008 – Tokio Hotel: They beat Miley Cyrus, Taylor Swift, and Katy Perry. What a joke.
2009 – Lady Gaga: Huge star. Really made up for the whole Tokio Hotel thing.
2010 – Justin Bieber: Another giant star. Never heard a single one of his songs, but they clearly called this one.
2011 – Tyler, the Creator: I’ve heard of him, so there’s that.
2012 – One Direction: I saw Dunkirk, which costarred Harry Styles. Ergo, a good decision.
2013 – Austin Mahone: Never heard of him.
2014 – Fifth Harmony: Are they different from Pentatonix?
2015 – Fetty Wap: I’ve heard of him, but is he a one-hit wonder? I feel like that’s the case. Maybe not a good choice?
2016 – DNCE: Never heard of them.
2017 – Khalid: Never heard of him.
2018 – Cardi B: Hey, I’ve heard of her! I’ve even heard one of her song lyrics. Not her song, but a lyric. It’s about wearing bloody shoes.
2019 – Billie Eilish: I’ve also heard of her. I will hear a song by her when I see the James Bond movie.
These are my feelings.