If you find relationships to be the psychological equivalent of a land war in Asia, polyamory probably feels like the Warring States Period of China.
Still, if you ever hope to hold sway over your own emotional kingdom, there are fine lessons to be learned from the practice.
Polyamory isn’t for everyone but there’s certainly something to be learned about how to hold down a relationship from trying to hold down two or more at the same time.
The first and most important lesson, we’ll call it Lesson Zero, is that polyamory isn’t a shortcut.
Engaging in a polyamorous lifestyle is not the opposite of monogamy.
All of the problems you experience in monogamy still exist. New problems come along with the new territory. However, there are also new benefits.
Communication is everything in a relationship. If you don’t know how to express yourself, you’re not going to be able to maintain intimacy with other people.
You need to be able to define what you want, what you can provide, and how often on those other two. You need to be able to explain and negotiate your boundaries and your schedules with all of your partners.
Remember, this isn’t you getting all of the cake, this is you agreeing to be a part of all the baking.
So stay mindful of how many cakes you can hope to participate in.
- Appreciate Independence
Don’t expect to pick up a new name for your new thing. You won’t be a hybrid two-headed creature that never seems to be apart.
Because most members of a polyamorous relationship et all are also polyamorous you end up with more you time.
You’re not always on the clock which leaves you more time to pursue individual interests.
It’s not uncommon for polyamorous couples to schedule days off. Some alone time with the most real fleshlight you can find takes pressure off the give and take of the relationship.
- Safe Sex Matters More
There are many types of polyamory but many include partners with children.
Children, by and large, are not products of safe sex. Going into any polyamorous sex, you have to expect to be safe for the benefit of those who aren’t safe with a specific partner.
It’s on you to communicate well and practice safe sex with your partners for the benefit of yourself and your own possible one exception.
- Understand Jealousy
An open relationship doesn’t necessarily come with a blank check for behavior. It’s natural to compare yourself to other people in your partners’ lives.
However, the paranoia that tends to come with monogamy fades.
You don’t have to be the first pick off the bench when you know that there are plenty of games in the season, so to speak.
- Know When (and How) to Move On
Without feeling like you will be alone if a relationship ends, it’s a lot easier to take stock of what is and isn’t working.
This gives you perspective for learning how to leave a relationship without bad feelings and not to cling to something that isn’t working until its outright broken.
Healing after the end of a relationship is aided by intensifying other relationships, rather than using it as an excuse to start another one.
More to Know
Don’t rush in. Take your time and learn the tactics and the players before you try to unify your own emotional country. The lessons you learn from polyamory can be slow to absorb but produce a lot of positive results.
Come back here for more lifestyle tips and advice.