Hi Tilda, welcome to VENTS! How have you been?
Hi there thank you so much for having me. I have been staying quite calm throughout this process of being in quarantine and trying to feed into creativity as much as possible. I think a lot of us creatives and artists – Are actually quite enjoying this time. I feel as there are also a lot of time to actually reflect upon your life and go inwards. It’s a perfect opportunity to really work on yourself, which is beautiful but sometimes really difficult.
Can you talk to us more about your latest single ”BOI”?
The first single of the “Red and Blue EP” BOI came out on the 8th of April and I have put my whole soul into this project. It’s been taking me over 2 years to get here mentally and I am so excited to revel the full concept.
The EP is divided into 3 stages. Each song representing the feelings we go through when losing something or someone. In this case the love for yourself.
Stage 1: SADNESS – BOI⠀
Stage 2: ANGER – CLEAR ⠀
Stage 3: FORGIVENESS – TASTE OF YOUR LIPS⠀⠀
I have been scared of the stigma around what I am going to be talking about for the next 3 months. But if we don’t shine light on the issues in society then nothing will ever change. “Boi” draws light upon emotional abuse and the impact it has on your physical and mental health. I am and will stay open about my experiences – it’s the only way I have been able to find back to loving myself.
Did any event in particular inspire you to write this song?
I wrote BOI almost 2, 1/2 / three years ago and it was literally just a way for me to deal with the emotions that I had at the time. I had that past year been in a really abusive relationship without being aware of what that meant or that the experiences I had was actually abusive.
It forced me to really reflect upon myself and admitting certain things in my own behaviours as it seemed like I kept on attracting the same energy into my life. Past traumas and a lot of pain bodies were triggered in me and I ended up getting signed off from work for quite some time – writing Boi was sort of the start point of my recovery and journey of finding my way back. My reality had been so tinted and I didn’t know who I was anymore. Music has always been my therapy and best friend.
For a long time I was trying to figure out how I wanted to produce this song and at that time I was still playing in a band and I knew that I wanted to take a new direction musically. It felt like this whole experience forced me to reinforce my own truth and what I really believed in, which is also why it’s been taken me so long to actually complete, because I wanted it to feel right and honest.
I also wanted to make sure that I released the song in a time where I was strong enough – ready to reveal my truth without any fear or regret, because I am in no way wanting this to come across as a way for me to get my revenge. I just want to bring up on awareness to this type of situation, because I know there’s so many other girls out there that are in similar situations, and it took me a long time to realise what I have been through. And I didn’t have anybody there on my journey as I was to embarrassed and ashamed. Until this day I still have misbeliefs If no one ever says anything then this keep and worries that maybe I was overthinking – but this is the game a manipulative person plays, they want you to feel as nothing you do or think is real or right. I’m willing to take this upon my shoulders, to share my story. I hope it can help others to see what they are going through and find comfort in my music. I wish that I had realised sooner. But many don’t have the courage to leave abusive relationships and even if you manger to get out of one it’s such a taboo to talk about, there is so much fear that no one will believe you, because most of the time you didn’t even take your own side whilst being in it. These are all normal feelings to have coming out of these relationships, you literally doubt anything you say or do – I want to give others the confidence to believe in their own experience and truth.
We are now entering stage one of the EP which is sadness, it is that first feeling that you have when you feel like you’re losing something – I’m not talking about a person here, I’m talking about losing yourself and the love for oneself. Losing your confidence, your ability to trust yourself and yeah it’s a long long long way to get back to that place again. And not let anyone else’s beliefs about you taint yours.
How was the filming process and experience behind the video?
The filming process was actually really beautiful I was able to work with two of my good friends on a zero budget! Luke Fincher actor in the music video and I’ve had similar experience in regards to abuse and it felt like the perfect match for this particular video. I wanted to angle the video in a slight difference way to my previous once. I wanted a male main character to bring a bigger perspective in. With this whole project I want to bring light upon to mental health as well as emotional abuse. The worst abuse is actually the pain the abuser puts themselves in. The initial idea for the music video was to show the views this perspective. I wanted to follow the abuser’s footsteps and show all his actions from his view perspective. We actually attached a camera to his forehead throughout the whole process, but we didn’t end up using much of that footage. I wanted the viewer to feel as they were the main character – living in his head. This would also bring in another element to the story as you aren’t completely sure who’s story your following and who is actually abusing who. There are parts in the video where you will see will the main character fighting against someone, but you don’t know who. That is obviously open for interpretation but my own idea was to bring awareness to the pain going on in the abusers mind and how toxic masculinity is often a catalyst for such behaviour. Hurt people hurt people. It took us one day film the whole video. I directed and Rosie Powell filmed and edited. All shot in my friend’s house so very low budget.
The single comes off your new album Red and Blue – what’s the story behind the title?
So as I mentioned and there are three stages on the EP and each stage represent a feeling in the stages of loss. Frist song is “Boi”- which is sadness second one is called “Clear”which is anger and the third and last one (who took me many 2 years to write) it’s called “Taste of your lips” and it represents forgiveness. Originally each emotion had a colour added to it and each video was gonna go in line to thy colour scheme. But money became a problem.
“ Boi” Sadness / Blue
“Clear” Anger / Red
“Taste of your lips” Forgiveness / Yellow
I feel like red and blue represents those feelings. I had an original idea of calling the EP “The love triangle”.But I felt like I was forcing it, trying to make it more arty than I needed it to be. I just wanted honesty and simplicity. That’s why it’s called “the red and blue EP” because sometimes it’s as simple as that – I’m red and blue, it’s all or nothing.
How was the recording and writing process?
I had so many involved. Was hard to complete as I was working with no budget. Everyone who’s helped out has done it out of passion. I have had 2 producers. Andy Khavnad and Benjamin James on the music Production. Pilar Onares on strings. Jorge Bela and Bateras Out on guitar and sound engineering. It’s been a long but wonderful process and definitely my proudest body of work so far. But the song came to me in one go. I had to get it out. I never planned to write any of these songs. I just had to, it’s been my way to understand and learn my lessons.
How did Brighton influence you?
I lived in Brighton for 6 years, it’s my home. But it got too small and I needed to rediscover my passions. Brighton was the first place I came to where I felt that I could be myself truthfully. I value that enormously as I have throughout my life felt like a misfit. It has helped me to believe that following my intuition and own judgement is the only way for me to produce my best work.
How has the likes of Bjork influenced your writing?
Björk inspires me to stay true to my art. She gives me the courage to break social norms and fees into my individuality. I love her approach to music, art and politics. She wants to say something with her music. I have always just used music as a platform to talk about the things that I am really passionate about. Such as mental health, selflove and female empowerment.
What aspect of love and loss did you get to explore on this record?
Oh dear. I guess all of the aspects. I had to fall apart and find myself completely. I think this quote sums it up.
“The only pure way to discover oneself, is through the doors opened by others. When we look at ourselves through different glasses we can let go of our ego. We die in order to wake up. In the darkest places you find the brightest light, it’s through the cracks we can see and become free.”
– Tilda Allie 2020
Where else did you find the inspiration for the songs and lyrics?
All the lyrics comes from poems I wrote throughout my relationship. You will be able to hear snippets of more spoken word in the last track of the EP.
Any plans to hit the road?
I wish! But unfortunately there is a virus going on…
What else is happening next in Tilda Allie’s world?
Full EP will be out on the 9th of June. After this I will be releasing a body of work co-produced with songwriter and producer Bessi. I have gone on a more experimental journey on this record with more Björk references. So excited to move forward and explore myself even more.