Since new movies in the theaters are basically not a thing at the moment, I’ve been going back in five-year increments to look at what movies were coming out around that time. So far I’ve done it twice, for 2015 and 2010. Both of those were pretty bleak. Will 2005 be any better? Perhaps, because for those two I was doing March. This time around, I’m going to go half March, half April. Usually around April is when the bigger movies are starting to come out. Well, that’s true now, but was it true in 2005?
March, it turns out, is still terrible. Even if I look at the whole month it’s not even mediocre. The best movie to come out in March of 2005 is…I can’t choose. We’ve got three bad sequels in The Ring Two, Be Cool and Miss Congeniality 2: Armed and Fabulous. Get Shorty is so good! How is Be Cool so bad? I walked out of it at the theater. They remade Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner? and put Ashton Kutcher in it. Vin Diesel had a movie come out, but it was The Pacifier. I guess Beauty Shop is kind of a sequel too, isn’t it?
April at least had a couple OK movies come out. Sahara is a shrug of a movie, but I saw it on Netflix or something and thought it was fine. Then there is Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, which is also totally decent. Sam Rockwell is a lot of fun at least. At the time, I know what was definitely my favorite movie to come out in April of 2005: Sin City. Now, I think it looks cool, but man it doesn’t really work as a movie. It’s gross and a little lame. And yet, it’s probably still better than Fever Pitch. Jimmy Fallon’s movie career is a weird time in our lives.
So yeah, 2005 is just as bleak as anything else. The best movie to come out across two months of the year is Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, which is the epitome of a B- film. By the way, February and May aren’t any better. Maybe 2005 was just a bad year for movies? That’s the year Crash won Best Picture, after all. Let’s just forget all about 2005, just like we will all try and forget about 2020 when we can.