Let’s not mince words: nothing hurts like infidelity. There’s no feeling as painful as trusting and loving someone only to discover they trampled on that bond and threw it out the window.
The good news is you can and will move on. Don’t worry, you don’t have to do it alone. We’ve got 10 crucial tips here to help you learn how to get over a cheating spouse.
Read on to discover more:
Go Ahead, Grieve
Let your feelings out. People need to hear how you feel and you need to get these heavy emotions of grief, disappointment, and heartbreak off your chest. If you don’t, these emotions and thoughts could eat you from the inside.
Ignoring your emotions can become harmful. You not only risk succumbing to depression and anxiety but you might harm yourself physically. Even if you don’t suffer from suicidal thoughts, you might stop eating, bathing, exercising, or socializing without even noticing these changes.
Fortunately, there are many ways to express your grief. You can cry it out with a friend, watch a bunch of movies or binge-watch a series on Netflix, play video games, or travel a bit.
Get Some Closure
Not all instances of cheating lead to broken marriages. Not every instance leads to separation or legal divorce. That said, whether or not you and your spouse break up, you should get some closure regarding their act of infidelity.
First, get all the facts.
Who are they texting or chatting with? Who did they meet or sleep with? Does the person know your spouse already has someone in their life?
Next, discover why your spouse cheated on you. Don’t immediately blame yourself; sometimes, people cheat for no reason. An opportunity came along and they simply grabbed it without thinking.
Other times, they might admit they still love you but seek other types of excitement or sexual flair elsewhere.
Understanding why they cheated can help you move forward. It can help you, as a couple, repair the damage and discover what you need to do to avoid this issue from happening again.
Establish Boundaries and Rules
Whether you and your spouse go separate ways or decide to stick together, it’s time to establish a few new rules and boundaries. For example, you might want to limit how much time your partner spends alone. They might use these moments to text or chat with someone since you’re not there to watch over them.
You might want to set up new initiatives too. Perhaps it’s time you go on more dates as a means of rekindling the spark that brought you together in the first place. You two could make a list of new relationship goals, like making sure you have sex once a week or to go out with friends so that neither of you feels caged.
Take Your Time
Learning how to get over a cheating spouse also means learning how to take things slow. You won’t get answers quickly, even when your partner promises to remain honest and open with you. They’ll still get apprehensive, defensive, and slow when it comes to discussing their mistakes and personal issues.
It will also take you some time to recover. Grieving helps but you shouldn’t expect to get right back up with a cheery smile the next morning. Take it one day at a time and try your best to avoid rushing for solace and answers.
Remember: even your spouse needs time and space. They committed a horrible act that hurt you but this also affects them. They got caught and the confrontation can deal a massive blow to their esteem.
It’s Okay to Ask for Help
Asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness. It’s a sign of strength — only the strong realize that they can’t handle everything on their own. Heartbreak from a cheating spouse is no different.
Reach out to those willing to listen but aren’t afraid to call you out on your mistakes too. They should be the shoulder you can cry on but also a firm hand to remind you of the things you need to do to make things better. Let them be your guiding hand throughout the ordeal.
However, seeking aid from friends and family isn’t always enough.
If you feel like you’re falling into a pit of depression, don’t hesitate to seek professional help. Call a therapist or a psychiatrist. If they recommend medication, take it so you can cope with the issues piling on top of your life.
Say No To Revenge (Don’t Get Even!)
Whatever you do, don’t actively head out for revenge. Fulfilling the need to get even isn’t going to help you deal with the problem. Vengeance isn’t going to erase the fact that your spouse cheated; it’ll only cause more pain and it gives your spouse another reason to cheat on you or leave you.
Letting out your anger is important but don’t get carried away. Instead, vent your anger in a calm, calculated method. You can argue with your spouse in front of a therapist, for example, or write a thought-out letter.
Once you’ve allowed your emotions to flow, work immediately on establishing better communication. Go back to our tips above so you can discuss with your spouse the details of their infidelity and how you two, as a couple, can work things out.
Take Care of Yourself
One of the biggest problems with learning how to get over infidelity in a marriage is that some people forget to stay physically active. They tend to all their emotional issues but forget to exercise, eat, or socialize.
Don’t let this happen to you. It could affect your performance at work or how you handle your kids. You might gain weight, lose your job, or get sick and fail at work and all of these could drag you into depression even further.
Go outside. Take time to jog or bike. Have fun at the beach or the movies and make sure you still follow a healthy diet.
Discuss, Discuss, Discuss
Never let assumptions take precedence. If you can, set time aside so you and your spouse can sit down and talk. Discuss everything, from the reasons they cheated and how they cheated, then tackle the steps you both need to move forward.
Discuss things with your therapist too. Let someone know how you feel, let someone understand the thoughts pervading your mind. This might seem unnecessary but it’s a good way to avoid committing further mistakes or something dangerous.
You should also discuss these details with your kids — if you have any. While you might want to leave out the intimate details, they should understand you and your spouse aren’t on good terms and why. If possible, try to curb their feelings so they won’t hate your spouse or take any sides.
Do you want to fix your relationship? Do you want to rebuild the trust your spouse shattered? It’s time to share passwords.
It’s a small step but it can give you some peace of mind. At least now you have the assurance that you can always check their activity on social media and the people they chat with.
If your spouse surrenders their passwords with no qualms, you might get the sense that they truly want to fix the relationship. However, if they don’t, there’s the possibility they’re still hiding something or feel too ashamed to show you the full extent of their actions.
Keep in mind that this is only the beginning. There are other ways to keep track of your spouse’s actions but you should discuss if it’s necessary to go that far.
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