The Partying on my Own EP, released in September 2019, is my debut alt-pop-noir release. The EP is a chronological break-up story, written early 2018 in the wet cold months before, during and after the end of a long, tumultuous 3 year relationship.
Partying On My Own
I wrote Partying On My Own after a series of going out too much after the break up last year. This slightly-fucked-up-4am tune talks about the numb-going out nights trying to find someone who was like my ex-boyfriend. Partying with the wrong people, staying up late to avoid going home in the dark alone, filling the void with a blurry city and smiling through the tears. A crying on the dance floor sort of song.
The lyrics for Cool Together fell out into a poem I wrote in my bedroom after a house party my then-boyfriend threw nearly 2 years ago. I met a girl there I’d never met before – she was so electrifying; that night I couldn’t even look at her. The backdrop of the dark house party, the drinking, the presence of this girl was so dangerous and electrifying. The song is an unashamed and unapologetic ode to an imagined romance with this girl twisted into the presence of my then boyfriend, the blurred progression of the night – it’s a bratty pop song “I’m sorry yeah you know what I can be like, shooting off my mouth when I’m drunk and I feel like telling everybody that I love em cos I got too high, curious inside”. A cover up and a disguise for having wildly unfaithful thoughts.
London was originally written as a sad, can’t-be-without-you ballad on the Rhodes at the total break point of the relationship. I found it really hard to do anything in the city that had once belonged to he and I – everywhere seemed to be a sadistic reminder of what used to be. Rob Brinkmann (who produced the EP) and I spent the summer months during the heatwave last year turning these songs (and this one in particular) into hopeful, anthemic, F-You pop songs. The driving guitars and synths I felt make this a drive time, crying in the night, dance song I wanted to empower & bolden people in the same sad situation.
This is my favourite track on the EP (even though I say they all are!). Millennial wraps up this body of sad songs and exposes the stark reality of a relationship which was never truly right, “Everybody wanted us to fail, everybody wanted us to lose – ain’t that so millennial” – the song is a peaceful handshake, a thank you, a clouds breaking overhead track for me with the bare piano and vocals on which to let the story and verses unfold and the choruses to dance and move on to. It’s a moment, for me, of total clarity and bitter-sweet happiness.