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Emotional Affairs – What You Need to Know: Reasons, Signs, and Guidelines

Cheating, disloyalty, secrecy, affairs – all these words indicate a potential threat to your relationship. While you may think that a sexual affair is an actual peril to your relationship that needs to be addressed, you may have no idea about the devastation caused by an emotional affair or whether that’s a big violation as a sexual one. Cheating is closely linked to divorce and separation. Research shows that among ever-married adults who have cheated on their spouses, 40% are currently divorced. According to the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy, 45 percent of men and 35 percent of women have self-confessed to an “emotional affair.” Surprisingly, 60 percent of such affairs initiate at work.

Well, the fact is: Yes, it is an affair. And no, it doesn’t indicate the end of your relationship.

Emotional affairs are usually gateway affairs heading to full-blown sexual infidelity. Around half of such affairs do eventually turn into mature affairs, involving sex and all. Generally, an emotional affair starts safely enough as a friendship. Outside the marital relationship, spending emotional energy and time with one and another can initiate a strong emotional tie which ultimately hurts the tenderness of the spousal relationship. The person not only invests time and energy but also receives emotional support and companionship from the so-called friendship. While there are many people with the opinion that emotional affairs are weak and harmless, most of the marriage experts refer to an emotional affair as cheating without having a sexual relationship. For some people, the most throbbing part of emotional infidelity is the feeling of being betrayed and deceived.

An emotional affair differs from a platonic friendship because, in an emotional affair, people often sense a sexual attraction for one another. Sometimes this attraction is accepted, and sometimes it isn’t. However, a platonic friendship can evolve into an emotional affair. These friendships and romances may seem innocent – perhaps “safer substitutes” to cheating on a spouse. The fact is, such relationships venture into a hazardous zone that can devastate martial relationships.

Why Do People Cheat Emotionally?

There are several reasons why men or women may engage in an emotional affair, but certain risk factors definitely increase the chances it will happen. These risk factors can be associated with one of the individuals or the relationship as a whole.

Risk factors with an individual:

Risk factors with the relationship:

  • Communication gap

  • Emotional and/or physical detachment

  • Low compatibility

  • Emotional abuse and/or domestic violence

  • Financial issues

  • Lack of respect

Reasons behind Emotional Infidelity

Primary Reasons:

  • Boredom

  • Revenge

  • Unhappiness or dissatisfaction either emotionally or sexually

  • Feeling unvalued, ignored or, unappreciated

  • Less committed to their relationship

Secondary Reasons:

  • Poor personal boundaries

  • The online world

  • Pornography

  • Opportunity – Periods of absence

Warning Signs of an Emotional Affair

 Here are some telltale signs that your other half is having an emotional affair:

  • Does your spouse start withdrawing from you or criticizing you? Or like they are silently comparing you to someone else?

  • Does your spouse acts secretive or hide their phone, and shut down their laptop screens abruptly when you are around them?

  • Does your spouse seem more interested in certain technology or hobbies?

  • Does your spouse seem to work extra hours on an important “project” with this colleague?

  • Does your spouse mention this special friend a lot?

  • You do not get jealous easily, but this undeniably feels off to you. Your gut tells you something is weird.

  • Your sexual life has changed. Your spouse is suddenly less interested in sex. Highly increased or decreased level of sexual activity, both are alarming situations.

  • When you try to discuss any of these things, does your spouse become defensive?

  • Have you noticed sudden changes in your spouse’s physical appearance?

Get practical

If your spouse is acting suspicious or doing things that you may tag as emotional cheating, now is the time to talk about your doubts. With the passage of time, your apprehension level will escalate, only if you don’t share your feelings. Have you noticed a couple of above-mentioned telltale signs in your relationship or your spouse? It is better to get practical and clarify your doubts. Discussion can definitely help you to clarify your suspicions. But, in case you are not satisfied with their arguments, you can go for other ways. One of them is to use a spouse monitoring app to keep in check the activities of your significant other. Don’t worry, monitoring apps to catch cheating spouses are common nowadays. One such app worth mentioning here is Xnspy as it offers all the advanced features that can meet your spying needs.

Once you have signed up, you can download the app on your spouse’s phone. For this, you will need a physical access to your partner’s phone. After installation, you can keep tabs on all the phone activities of your spouse. Xnspy fetches all the information and presents it in a summarized form. With Xnspy spouse monitoring app, you can access your partner’s text messages, emails, and call logs. You can get to know whom they have been calling and what they are talking about as Xnspy records all the calls automatically.

All of a sudden, your partner is hooked up to social media platforms. With this spouse monitoring app, you can track their digital footprints as Xnspy enables you to read their IM messages, posts, calls that have been made through popular social media sites, including WhatsApp, Viber, Skype, and many others. If you have doubts that your partner is lying about their whereabouts, you can even check their location history. Furthermore, Xnspy spouse monitoring app enables you to track their current GPS location on the real-time map. It’s nearly impossible to hide, as the always-on service can send alerts via email instantaneously. For the effective working of a spouse monitoring app, your partner’s phone must be connected to the internet.

Affair – Proofing the Relationship

Trust and honesty are the main factors that every relationship should have, but sometimes spouses do not realize this condition and tend to step over this line. You can affair-proof your relationship by working together to have a relationship that is built on the foundation of friendship and sincerity. Here are some suggestions on how to build a strong relationship and keys to shielding your relationship from emotional cheating.

  • Talk about plans, future goals, events, and especially share personal feelings

  • Be supportive of one another

  • Learn ways to have healthy conflict in your relationship

  • Show regard and mutuality for each other

  • Plan on living a well-balanced life with one another

  • Create ways to have a fun time

  • Have dates with each other to revive your love

  • Try to repair hurts instantly and genuinely

Spouse monitoring apps can not only be used as a surveillance tool; rather, you can use it to keep in touch with your spouse and to bring transparency into the relationship. Be sure that both you and your spouse willingly consent to use the spouse monitoring app, though, because tracking your partner’s activities without their consent (especially when they are actually loyal to you) can hurt their feelings. The sharing must be mutual, so your spouse can see your messages, too. Both the individuals have to install the spouse monitoring app like Xnspy. This way, a couple can maintain transparency and minimize the likelihood of doubts on each other, and hence prevent emotional cheating.

About RJ Frometa

Head Honcho, Editor in Chief and writer here on VENTS. I don't like walking on the beach, but I love playing the guitar and geeking out about music. I am also a movie maniac and 6 hours sleeper.

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