The idea for the song originally came when I started thinking about how the recent years have changed my ideas of sensuality and sex, both from an all-encompassing viewpoint and regarding my own life. I felt I needed to finally talk about what was happening within me for so many years: embarrassment, confusion, and then finally, after moving to New York and meeting so many people who didn’t fit in the same bubble, an ecstatic release.
Did any event in particular inspire you to write this song?
I had finally moved to New York and started meeting people I genuinely felt a kindred connection with, not only mentally, but the way they presented themselves physically. I felt like I was always towing a line between who I wanted to be that day: masculine or feminine. The people I met in New York made me realize it doesn’t have to be a choice. You can present yourself as anything, and that speaks to a deeper, intense need to be free.
How was the film experience?
It was incredible. My mom, Kelly Cappelli, is a brilliant photographer and director. We thought up the idea and within a week were shooting. Our ideas usually feed off of each other, and the creative energy we felt on that shoot will always be one of my most treasured memories.
There was never a question on who I wanted my “alter ego” to be either. I had seen Shimeon through social media and had always known I’d wanted to use him as the physical embodiment of my songs.
The single comes off your new album Fever Dream – what’s the story behind the title?
Fever Dream comes from a very dark period of my life; a time of intense self-discovery. There’s a track about the battle between my id and ego, a track about a person who tarnished a very important part of my life, a track about a person who I was not ready to give up. There’s beauty in it with fun, upbeat melodies, but there’s also a huge amount of pain. I had most of the lyrics written out in poems in my journals.. They just had to be translated into songs.
How was the recording and writing process?
It was great and just what I needed. I worked with Dominic Fallacaro on the EP and we gave ourselves a month to sit together in a small room and write as many tracks as we could. We were going at about one track per day, and at the end we picked the four that were the most powerful to us. There are still so many other tracks that have so much to say.
What aspect of strength and femininity did you get to explore on this album?
I don’t believe strength and femininity can be measured easily. There are stereotypes, of course, but they look like very different things to different people. One aspect of my own strength on the record was writing a song called “She’s Gone Now,” about a person I loved very much escaping a tumultuous situation. I found my femininity through my strength, and my strength through my femininity, etc.