Hi Jenny, welcome to VENTS! How have you been?
Thank you! After over a decade of silence I’m releasing an EP. I’m guess I’m pretty happy! Love that you asked “have you been!” The present, perfect, progressive tense. Lots of things have happened in the recent past, good and bad and in between. Bottom line is, I am, was and will be fine. At least that’s what I keep telling myself. Wow. Sorry for the long, existential answer to a simple question…
Hope you are well!
Can you talk to us more about your latest single “Backlit Bottles”?
When my first-born was a month old, my mother was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. Eight months later she died. My whole life turned inside out in every way imaginable, starting with these two major life events. Becoming a mother, losing a mother.
Music went poof. Song ideas, poof. Me, poof. I had to take a job to support my family. There was no extra space for “me,” certainly not for music. At all. It was frightening, so much so, that a part of me shut down. I focused on my children, providing for my family and that’s about it. Not writing songs, I figured, was the least of my problems. Until I realized that I was starting to feel numb. Losing my mother was devastating to me. She was my best friend. The warmest, most caring person I have ever known. Her death left a massive void in my life.
Those beautiful multi-hued backlit bottles you see in a bar felt like such an alluring distraction. I thought if I could just pretend that songwriting wasn’t something I needed to do I would be ok. Drinking “helped.” Started taking anti-depressants. That helped a little, but I still wasn’t right.
I have been (present, perfect, progressive tense) writing songs since I was a very little girl. About five years old. Writing songs and poems to express and process my feelings and emotions. I wasn’t doing anyone any favors by not writing.
The song, Backlit Bottles is about letting go of the fear of feeling. Peeling off the layers. Drinking is a pleasant, legal way of dulling your senses and not feeling.
Did any event in particular inspired you to write this song?
There is a funny story behind the song. I was sitting in a bar waiting for a friend who was going through a very difficult crisis. I sat down at one end and when I looked up there was a guy staring at me. REALLY staring. Immediately, I patted down my curly mop of hair and wiped under my eyes, thinking maybe my mascara was running. He kept staring.
For a moment I thought to myself, “maybe I’ve still got it! Looking good, middle-aged mama!”